The Great Poosplosion(s) {or, alternately} How Parenthood Hardens You into a Diamond-Armored Tungsten-Carbide Filled Shadow of What you Once Were

We just got back from Debba's house. While we were there, we aired up the pool, and Auri had fun swimming, clothing and diaper-free, naked as a jaybird.

(If you don't like reading about poosplosions, stop reading now. If you don't want to read it all, just view my drawings to sum things up.)

On Sunday, we were out doing our pool thing: Me sitting there, baking in the Texas heat, clinging to my cup of ice water for dear life while she splashed in the pool. I was vaguely aware of her getting out of the pool, and wandering down the sidewalk a ways. I kept her in my peripheral, but not *really* watching closely as she squatted to look at something on the ground.

I became very aware, however, when Debba exclaimed "Auri just pooped!" Sure enough, where she had been squatting before, there now sat a big mound of poo. She walked a few steps, and then sat down again, leaving another nice skid mark on the concrete.

We sprang into action. I grabbed the hose and sprayed her off, while Debba scooped the poop. Meanwhile, as we were scrubbing and rinsing, and laughing about our situation, Auri had wandered into Buddy's workshop. I gave her a couple golf balls to entertain herself with, and she seemed pretty happy.

 However, when I came back in to check on her, she had pooped an even bigger pile in the middle of the rug, dipped a golf ball into it, rolled that all over the ground, rubbed it all over her little stinky body, and just had fun with it in general.

I snatched the poopy child up, and went back outside to hose her off again, to find (to my dismay) that someone had turned the hose off. Somehow I finally cleaned her off (she was pretty upset at me at this point) and we showed her how the poop goes in the potty. At some point, while we were in the workshop bathroom, Buddy walked into the shop, said "What's this all over my golf ball?" while stooping over and picking up said golf ball. *sigh*

*Edit* So, I was planning on ending the post here. I had proofread it, and it was sitting there, waiting to be submitted when I heard Auri wake up over the monitor. What follows is an account of the second pootastrophe.


Auri woke up, I got her a snack and some water. I was sitting on the couch, reading a book, when I heard a familiar grunt. I looked up, and saw the look. The I-am-pooping-my-pants-while-standing-right-in-front-of-you look. At that moment, I had a brilliant idea! "Auri!" I said. "Auri! Let's go poopoo on the potty!" I scooped her up, ran to the bathroom, set her on the toilet, and tried to unfasten her diaper. Too late. She had already done it. "Oh well! We'll just spray you off in the shower!"

So I put her in the tub and decided to use a wipe to get the extra goo off (who wants poop particles clogging up the shower drain? No one, that's who). While I was wiping, I felt something warm fill the wipe. She had just pooped into my wipe, in my hand. Yum. So I stuck that into the diaper too. Turned around, and found her prodding yet another mound that she had deposited in the bottom of the tub.



This is getting ridiculous. I think I will wait a few more months (or do a little more research) before I try to "potty-train" her.

Auri, after her middle of the day poop bath.