The Great Poosplosion(s) {or, alternately} How Parenthood Hardens You into a Diamond-Armored Tungsten-Carbide Filled Shadow of What you Once Were

We just got back from Debba's house. While we were there, we aired up the pool, and Auri had fun swimming, clothing and diaper-free, naked as a jaybird.

(If you don't like reading about poosplosions, stop reading now. If you don't want to read it all, just view my drawings to sum things up.)

On Sunday, we were out doing our pool thing: Me sitting there, baking in the Texas heat, clinging to my cup of ice water for dear life while she splashed in the pool. I was vaguely aware of her getting out of the pool, and wandering down the sidewalk a ways. I kept her in my peripheral, but not *really* watching closely as she squatted to look at something on the ground.

I became very aware, however, when Debba exclaimed "Auri just pooped!" Sure enough, where she had been squatting before, there now sat a big mound of poo. She walked a few steps, and then sat down again, leaving another nice skid mark on the concrete.

We sprang into action. I grabbed the hose and sprayed her off, while Debba scooped the poop. Meanwhile, as we were scrubbing and rinsing, and laughing about our situation, Auri had wandered into Buddy's workshop. I gave her a couple golf balls to entertain herself with, and she seemed pretty happy.

 However, when I came back in to check on her, she had pooped an even bigger pile in the middle of the rug, dipped a golf ball into it, rolled that all over the ground, rubbed it all over her little stinky body, and just had fun with it in general.

I snatched the poopy child up, and went back outside to hose her off again, to find (to my dismay) that someone had turned the hose off. Somehow I finally cleaned her off (she was pretty upset at me at this point) and we showed her how the poop goes in the potty. At some point, while we were in the workshop bathroom, Buddy walked into the shop, said "What's this all over my golf ball?" while stooping over and picking up said golf ball. *sigh*

*Edit* So, I was planning on ending the post here. I had proofread it, and it was sitting there, waiting to be submitted when I heard Auri wake up over the monitor. What follows is an account of the second pootastrophe.


Auri woke up, I got her a snack and some water. I was sitting on the couch, reading a book, when I heard a familiar grunt. I looked up, and saw the look. The I-am-pooping-my-pants-while-standing-right-in-front-of-you look. At that moment, I had a brilliant idea! "Auri!" I said. "Auri! Let's go poopoo on the potty!" I scooped her up, ran to the bathroom, set her on the toilet, and tried to unfasten her diaper. Too late. She had already done it. "Oh well! We'll just spray you off in the shower!"

So I put her in the tub and decided to use a wipe to get the extra goo off (who wants poop particles clogging up the shower drain? No one, that's who). While I was wiping, I felt something warm fill the wipe. She had just pooped into my wipe, in my hand. Yum. So I stuck that into the diaper too. Turned around, and found her prodding yet another mound that she had deposited in the bottom of the tub.



This is getting ridiculous. I think I will wait a few more months (or do a little more research) before I try to "potty-train" her.

Auri, after her middle of the day poop bath.

Summer So Far

Summer thus far has been hot and dry but fun! A typical day goes like this: Wake up around 7 or 7:30, feed ourselves, then go on a run. Jason takes a shower, packs his lunch, and heads to work around 10. Auri and I hang out around the house or run errands. She naps from around 11:30 to 1:30, so I have a bit of time to myself. Then, when Jason gets home around 5, we go do something fun, like go to the park or the pool. Then Auri is off to bed by 7:30, and then we play video games, watch tv, or read books together. A pretty sweet life.

Last week, we were down in Port Alto for the Big Browning Bayhouse Bash. We had a lot of fun in the old family bayhouse. Auri got to spend a lot of good time hanging out with her cousins. She and Charlotte seemed to hit it off, and Charlotte *loved* Jason. They played ninja and we built forts. Jason, Daniel, Joe, Dad, and I got to go floundering one night, and we caught three flounder and ate them the next day. I wasn't *so* excited about eating something that hides in the mud its whole life, but whatever. Also, another day we went to Kemah boardwalk. We rode the train, and Auri and I got to ride the carousel. You'd think she would love it, since she's into horses right now, but no. She cried and was trying to climb off the horse and into my arms the whole time. Joe, Daniel, Jason and I rode the roller coaster there. It was wooden. It was painful. I was sore the next day. But it was fun! I definitely prefer metal roller coasters though. Then we went and ate at the Aquarium. It has a huge aquarium as the main centerpiece in the dining room. Also, downstairs, there are more aquariums and a sting ray tank. We bought the sting ray food (raw shrimp), and we fed the sting rays. Actually, Jason did. I started to, and freaked out as its huge mouth started coming at me. I did pet it though!

Speaking of aquariums, since our goldfish died, I decided to freshen up our fish tank with fresh water, light, and fish. Auri and I went to Petco. yesterday and picked out some fish (mollies). We named them Farfalle, Penne, and Tortellini. Let me tell you. Tortellini is fat.

This morning, fat Tortellini was sitting on the bottom of the tank, seemingly gasping for air, lilting to one side, and pretty much looking like it was about to die. I thought "Oh great. I bought a dying fish. I can't watch this." So I turned the light off and ignored it. About an hour later, I came back to check on it, and there was a little black bulge coming out the fishes back end. Also, fat Tortellini wasn't so fat anymore, and there was little baby fish all around! Tortellini didn't have dropsy, or fish bloat, or anything of the other horrible diseases I was reading about this morning... she was pregnant!

 That's the good news. The bad news is that the other fish are following her around like she's pooping out gold bricks. I need to get one of those little nursery things... basically a plastic divider to protect the baby fish. For now, I found this thing you put in the shower drain to keep the hair from clogging the drain, and it has little holes. While I was taking pictures, Farfalle tried to eat a baby, and I couldn't watch anymore. So, best case scenario: I get some more free fish. If not, at least Tortellini isn't dead.

A funny story to leave with:

Yesterday, I was feeding Auri lunch while I was reading a book. She likes deli meat, so I take some turkey, rip it into chunks, and put it on her tray. She was happily eating her turkey and playing with her duplo blocks while I read, so it was a pretty good deal. When I would look up, she had eaten all the turkey on her tray, so I put her some more. She was eating *a lot* of it. Once she decided she was done, I took her out of her tray,  and was going to stack the blocks, when something in the block caught my eye. A little piece of turkey was stuffed down into the hole. Upon further inspection, there was some turkey stuffed into each hole in several of the blocks. I have a very industrious little stinker.

Laziness

I don't know why, maybe it's the heat of the summer, or not wanting to do anything after vacation, but I have been plagued with extreme laziness. I don't feel like typing out the rest of our vacation story, but I know I'll regret it if I don't! Also, the house has gone to pits. No matter how much I tidy or clean, the clutter overwhelms me, or Auri comes along behind me and undoes everything, and I just sign it off for later. In fact, we just today dumped our goldfish in the toilet, and it died a week ago (I know it's gross).

I think one of the problems is that we keep going out of town on the weekends, and that's when I do the bulk of my cleaning, because Jason is home and can distract Auri while I get stuff done. Now it just doesn't get done.



Last weekend was Memorial day weekend, so we went up to the lake, and it was just the Knight family. We had so much fun with Bryan and Laura, Bot had so much fun with little Peebs, and Auri had so much fun with Debba and Bupa! It was a win, win, win situation (Oh poor Deogee). It felt great to just lay around in lounge chairs in the sun. Unfortunately the boat died on its first sunset voyage, so we didn't get to enjoy the boat very much, but it was so windy and so choppy from all the other boats that it's probably just as well.

This weekend, we're going to down to the Bayhouse for the first annual Browning Bayhouse Bash! Very excited about seeing everybody! It'll definitely be interesting seeing as the main part of the house is one big sleeping area. It's good we all like each other, because we're going to be very close all the time :) I can't wait to see Bixby and Charlotte (and D&J of course). Last time I saw Miss B, she was just a wiggly newborn, and now she's almost 9 months old?? Can't believe it. Also can't wait to see what Auri does with another baby around. It's one thing to look at pictures, but completely different when she's right in front of you.

Anyways, going to take advantage of my precious Auri-napping time!

Europe (Part 1)

First of all, it feels great to be back home. I missed my Auri terribly (not to mention my bed, my washing machine, and my fridge full of cheap food. Oh, and my lungs not filled with second-hand smoke).

That being said, we had an amazing time! I'm so glad we finally got around to it, and it was definitely worth every penny (except, maybe, for the many pennies that taxi drivers jipped us out of). If anything, one of the most valuable parts of our vacation was the newfound appreciation we have for our relaxed days at home. I'm still exhausted from the trip!

I think our first problem was that we started out the trip already tired. We got about one or two hours of sleep on the nine hour red-eye flight to London. Arriving in Heathrow at 7:30 Saturday morning, during a 9 hour layover, we were quickly introduced to the world of foreign currency, automatic ticket machines, and public transportation. After a few failed attempts, we finally managed to purchase two day passes for the London tube system, and away we went. I'm sure we looked pretty goofy at how impressed with we were with the tube stations, and trains, and all of that. When we arrived in London, we were greeted with unseasonably warm, sunny weather. We were tricked into wearing fewer layers than we should have, because the clouds quickly moved in, covered the sun, and took away all the warmth. Even so, we had a great time in London. We saw most of the necessary sights, including Buckingham palace, Westminster Abby, Houses of Parliament, Trafalgar square, etc. It was a wonderful practice run, because they still speak English in England, and if we got completely confused, we could at least talk to someone for help. We then caught our connecting flight to Barcelona.

{I'm getting tired, and will post more later!}

Final Countdown

The week is here! I can count down the number of days until we leave on one hand. The documents are are printed, stapled, and tucked away in a tidy little folder. The suitcases are begging to be filled (but I won't let myself until Thursday... okay, maybe Wednesday). Jason is officially done with his killer class. I still have loads of laundry to do, and plan on cleaning the house so we don't come back to a dump, but I'm sure that'll get done on its own.

The only real thing left for me to do is play with my sweet little Auri, read her all of her books over and over again, and blow thousands of bubbles for her. I'm going to miss that kiddo like crazy! But I know she'll be in good hands. She is enamored with both of her grandmas, so I'm not too worried that she'll really miss us at all. She never wants anything to do with me the moment she sees Oma or Debba. Though, I think this week, she is establishing herself as a one-nap-a-day baby... sorry guys!




Our itinerary for Europe is pretty loose. Rather than any planned excursions or activities, I think we're just going to wander, soak up the culture and just get lost in it. Maybe we'll find some cool stuff to do on the way. Either way, I'm so excited!

Rantings from a sleepy brain

I hate coming up with a title for each of my blog posts. Especially if I don't have a specific topic. Also, it's hard to coming up with good ideas after three glasses of wine. I think the really good ideas start flowing at around four glasses, but since I want to be semi-lucid tomorrow, I'll just settle with bad ideas.

Jason's off riding his bike in Dallas somewhere. I don't really know anything about it except that I'm at home watching the baby and three dogs. The day time is hard, but it's actually kind of nice at night. When he's here, I have to stop at one glass of wine, because I get "too sleepy" with more than that. So what! I'm going to bed at ten, and I will get 9 hours of sleep, and it will be amazing. All that being said, it is rather quiet, and I've triple checked to make sure the doors are deadbolted. I might let Otter sleep in the living room by the front door instead of locking her in her crate tonight.

We had a great time over Easter. Auri had fun hunting her 5 eggs (that was all her attention span allowed for). Other than her busting my lip with a rocking chair, which resulted in a huge, yet-to-heal ulcer on the inside of my mouth, we had a lot of fun.

In two weeks, we'll be on an airplane, desperate to get off (or dreaming peacefully on sleeping pills). I've been printing out documents, organizing our schedule, and trying to figure out exactly *what* we're going to do once we actually get there. So far, no real plans. We have luggage now, and money pouches, and electrical outlet adapters, so I think we're logistically set for travel! Very excited :)

I still plan to go on my morning run, which I've been very good about. Auri and Otter both enjoy it, and I'm already seeing results. Just wait until the temperature gets above 85 in the morning, and I'm sure it will taper off quickly.

11 minutes until bed time!

Heart Attack version 2.0

So, about half an hour ago, I was doing some much needed damage control to the piles of clothes growing in both my room and Auri's room, while Auri happily and quietly hung out in the book corner, sorting through and 'reading' her books to herself.

A little while later, I noticed that she was being *very* quiet. In fact, it was so quiet, the windchimes outside sounded much louder than usual. At that point, I put two and two together, panicked, and ran out into the hallway to see the front door wide open and Auri nowhere to be seen. I sprinted outside, and found Auri had dragged her blankie outside, and was playing in our driveway between the two cars parked there.  I scooped her up, and she's now playing on the floor right in front of me, with both the front and back door locked tightly.

We have a problem with our front door. When it's humid, it sometimes doesn't latch all the way if you don't slam it, and when it's windy, the wind blows the unlatched door open. Today, is it humid, and windy, and that's how my baby escaped. You hear those stories of people finding babies just hanging out in the middle of the street, and think "How could their parents have let that happen?" I was right there with you, but then I became one of those parents. I can now say, it's pretty easy for that to happen, really quickly. I will definitely be more alert when she gets too quiet.

In other, less heart-stopping news, we signed a lease for our new house in August! It's a big 3/2 off of Deacon, in a more family neighborhood than we're in right now. It's got a huge backyard, and a 2 car garage. Unfortunately, Jason wasn't able to see it with me, so he doesn't actually know what our new house looks like on the inside. The reason is: When I went to view it with the Realtor, she was showing it to two other groups of people that also seemed interested, so I snatched up an application, and turned it in about two hours later. While we were there filling out more paperwork, our agent answered the phone, and was like "No I'm sorry, that property is no longer available as of now". So, we were cutting it close, but I beat them to the finish line. Ha! So looking forward to our new home :)

Google street view of our new house

Satellite view of house

Birthdays, weddings, and other events

Shame on me! It's been two weeks? It really is true. The older you get, the faster time flies by you.

Since my last entry, our little bit turned one year old!

She went from this:

To this:

And this:

To this:

We didn't really do anything special that day, other than going to PetSmart and looking at birds and kitties, which are always a favorite. She still whined and pooped and napped and made a mess just like every other day, and I chased her around, cleaning and pacifying her, just like every other day. Still, she seems to really like her sandbox she got for her big day (even though it's a nightmare to get all the sand out of all of her crevices).

Last weekend, we invested in a jogging stroller. It's been difficult in the past for us to both get a run in during the morning, with us taking turns watching Auri, while the other goes out. So, we got a proper jogging stroller, and all four of us are able to go on a run in the morning together. It's been a lot of fun, and we've done pretty well at getting in a few runs a week. I sold our old one on craigslist, and have been endlessly pleased with our new addition.

None of the houses we've looked at have panned out, or looked too promising. They've either been leased already, been too dumpy, too expensive, or both. Still, I continue my search for a semi-decent home with a garage and a backyard, that doesn't make me want to cry when I see the rent.

Our most recent adventure was to Austin, to get Bryan and Laura married off. Success! We had an awesome time at the rehearsal dinner, hosted by Buddy and Debbie, on a really cool party boat on Lake Travis. Lots of grilling, family time, great margaritas, and even swimming off the water slide (the water was 65 degrees!). The wedding itself was breathtaking. I feel so blessed that we were able to be a part of it, and stand next to them as they made their vows of everlasting love and devotion. It is a testament to them that I actually cried during the wedding. I never cry at weddings, and have never understood why people do (until now, I guess).

I've now also confirmed, as a cold-hard fact, that all people care about is whether Auri is with me or not. Not a single "Hi Emily! How are you?" Forget that. The first thing out of people's mouths is "Where is Auri? Where is the baby?" Even from people I barely know. I should have worn a sign around my neck saying "Sorry, the baby isn't with me." But, despite that realization, it was a fantastically fun weekend, and all my love and thanks goes out to my other sister-in-law, Laura Browning, for taking care of Auri all weekend. You are a super hero!

Our current project (which Jason is working on right now, that wonderful man), is to sell both his BMW M3, and our Toyota Sequoia. We decided that we certainly don't need three cars, and he never drives his car anymore, and the Sequoia is just way more vehicle than we need right now. The end goal is to sell those two, and replace them with a minivan. I know. I balked at the idea at first too, but they are just so incredibly functional and practical. Sliding doors? Why is this not a widespread feature on all cars? We could virtually eliminate dinging each others doors in parking lots if everyone had sliding doors. We were playing with the idea of a Mazda5, which is a small minivan (a microvan, if you will).

Cute, huh?

Honeymoon

The plane tickets are purchased. The cruise tickets are purchased. The only question: is the Mediterranean ready for us? Probably. We're pretty tame.

That's right! We're finally going on our long overdue honeymoon (that's what happens when you get married on a Saturday in the middle of a semester, and have to be back to school on Monday). And we're doing it properly. A 6-day Mediterranean cruise! We were thinking of doing it in the Caribbean, but... no offense Caribbean, but after talking about it, we realized that neither of us actually like the beach that much. Sure, it's great for a day trip, but a week of sunburns, sticky salt water, and sand in my swimsuit is not something I want to spend 3 grand on. I mean, I do like the beach, but we wanted something different. Something we might not have a chance to do for many years.

And that's why we will be boarding a plane to Barcelona, Spain on May 13th. The relocation cruise leaves port on the 15th, and stops in Toulon, France, then in Florence/Pisa, on to Rome, then Sicily, and ends in Venice. We'll then board a train in Venice, and travel to Verona (home to Romeo and sweet Juliet). After seeing some sights, we'll catch a flight back to Barcelona, and fly back to our sweet baby Auri waiting for us in Texas, on the 24th.

We are so pumped! I'm already reading about money belts, and how to avoid being pickpocketed, and, in the process, getting increasingly paranoid. We're going to start learning some basic Italian together. Then, on to research museums, or whatever else you see in Europe (as you can tell, I haven't started that part of my research yet). It's still two months away, but I'm already so giddy. Jason and I laid awake in bed last night, trying to go to sleep, but way too excited. I didn't fall asleep until about one.

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In other news, tomorrow we'll be meeting a realtor to view a house we might be interested in renting in August. I don't know much about it except that it has a garage. I so dearly want a garage! I'm tired of having 3 bikes in the house (don't tell Jason). Right now, we have a closet, about a foot deep, and two feet wide, that we call 'the garage'.

          Jason: "Emily, where is that box where I put that stuff?"
          Emily: "Look in the garage, second shelf, behind the ice chest, inflatable pool, and dog food."

We have two bikes and the stroller in the 'dining' room, crammed in next to the high chair, and our dining room table that I don't think we've ever used. I'm really not trying to complain... just convey why I so desire a garage!

Well I hear Jason repeating Italian words over and over in the study, so it sounds like he's started without me!

Before I go, here's a picture for your viewing pleasure:

Tough kid. She doesn't let the tile floor slow her down for too long.

Home again, home again

Jiggity jig. We're home! We just spent the last week vacationing on the shores of Lolita and Spicewood, and we are feeling refreshed and rejuvenated after getting some quality grandparent time for Auri (read: a few extra pairs of eyes and arms).

At Oma and Opa's house, we had a lot of fun. Auri stayed with Oma one evening, while we all went fishing down off of Jon Alan's pier. Hailey caught the only fish of the day, to everyone's amazement. Auri had the best time chasing Otter up and down the grassy hills, with Oma and mommy chasing behind. That is one kid who *loves* to be outside. She also loves her puppy.

In fact, she would frequently go up to the clear, sliding glass door, and lean against it while looking longingly outside. One time, however, the door was open. She leaned, but there was no door to catch her, and she tumbled out the door, scraping her head and nose on the concrete. No teeth were hurt in that fiasco. She still has the scabs to prove it though, little trooper. So, in the pictures I post, when you see road rash all over her face, that's what it's from.

On Tuesday, we went to the Victoria zoo: a modest collection of some native Texan animals, and a few safari visitors (tigers, lions, and monkeys). It was the perfect size for Auri though, and it wasn't too crowded. Her favorite part were the Guinea Fowl that was wandering free throughout the zoo. She had a blast chasing them. They were always just a little bit faster than her, even at her top speed. We're looking forward to many more zoo trips in our future.

We enjoyed a great game of Dominion with mom {I won}, watched a good movie, had a very relaxing and warm camp fire, and a very exciting adventure with a mouse. About halfway through the week, we packed up and headed to Austin.

Auri enjoyed multiple jeep rides, dipping her feet in the lake, chasing Aunt Michelle's kitty Louie, and lots of swing time. Jason and I got quite a bit of time to ourselves (Thank you Debba!). We went fishing with Buddy on Saturday morning, and I caught the biggest bass! My only fish, but it was {apparently} a good one! They weren't biting too much, but I've been promised that we'll go back out when the water warms up a few degrees.

On Friday, we used our free tickets to a UT baseball game (I know, I know), and it was actually pretty fun! We got {overpriced}hot dogs, and watched the moon rise over the field. In fact, the moon got more attention from us than the game did. We made it to about the 8th inning, until we decided that baseball wasn't our thing. Jason braved downtown Austin traffic, and spoiled me rotten by taking me to Melting Pot. We had the most decadent dinner of French Fondue and Milk Chocolate Creme Brulee. Our waiter asked us if we were celebrating any special occasion, and we just looked at each other and said "Nope!". It's fun to be fancy for no reason. Downtown/6th street (which we had to cross to get back to our car) was crazy. It was Spring Break, SXSW, and run over from St. Patty's day.

Last night, we watched a very suspenseful movie. Jason squirmed the whole time. Then we packed up, and made the journey home. Then spent all our money on groceries. It's nice to be back.

We've got a lot to look forward to the next few weeks! This weekend, we're traveling up to Dallas to help Bryan celebrate his birthday. Then next week, it's the big Number One for our favorite little girl! Then, we get to go back to Austin to help Bryan and Laura get married, and join the ranks of awesomeness. THEN, we have Auri's birthday bash, and I get my ring! After that, we'll be inches away from summer. Jason and I are planning a big honeymoon-esque vacation for ourselves, and we have the Big Browning Bayhouse Bash, and possibly even a trip to Colorful Colorado. Much to look forward to!

And now, I'm going to have another glass of wine, and spend my last few hours of Spring Break with my wonderful husband, whom I love SO much!

A place for stories

Mainly, I needed a place to write down stories that A) I don't want to forget, and B) might want to share. Most will probably be about Auri, and any future additions to the Knight Clan, but occasionally, I might share the dumb things I say and do. Often, I'll have longer and multi-faceted stories that I don't know how to share on Facebook, because they wouldn't fit into a status (or else my friends would start to block me). Also, Jason thinks I need some mental stimulation, after nothing but talking to a baby and a dog and reading ten page board books all day. His idea was for me to write short stories/a novel. Thus, why I started a blog.

A few things that nearly gave me a heart attack today:

Auri learning how to get out the back door by herself. Who knew that a 4 inch change in elevation would be such an obstacle? I guess, when 4 inches makes up a sizable percentage of your total height, and there's a giant slab of concrete that you might bash your face against if you mess up, 4 inches isn't something to sneeze at. And yet, Auri stands on the stoop, not holding onto anything, teetering back and forth, admiring birds flying by and dirt on the ground. It's all I can do to not be a helicopter mom (always hovering, ready to swoop in for the rescue).

She actually did bash her face today. Her mouth to be precise. Was standing in the tub, (presumably on the small slippery space between the rubber no-slip mat, and the side of the tub) splashing in the water she had poured on, and over the side of the tub, and BAM, next second she had slipped and hit her top teeth (those poor teeth!). I have never heard such a heart-wrenching, terrible cry. I was sure she had knocked out her front teeth. But nope, those heroic teeth are still intact.


Lastly, the most terrifying of all. Perhaps I should be more of a helicopter mom. I was in Target today, and Auri was riding up front, all strapped in. I stopped the basket in the middle of the clothes section, and was looking through a rack. I had given Auri my phone to play with (more on that later), and she was having a fine time, talking to herself, and doing all sorts of destruction. When I glanced over my shoulder, my heart stopped as I saw that she had worked her way loose of the lap restraint, and was standing up in the child seat in the front of the basket. Not only was she standing, but she was trying to work out how to put her leg over the edge of the basket and "swing down" to get to the ground and run away. I swooped in for the rescue, planted her bottom firmly on the seat, tightened the belt, and steered the cart quickly away before anyone saw. I certainly learned my lesson today. I thank God that she didn't hurt herself.

In the meantime, she had thrown my phone to the ground, and a chunk of it broke off, never to be seen again.